Born In Her Heart...

There are some moments in your life which are so significant and intensely meaningful that anytime if you just closed your eyes, you can transport yourselves back in that moment and just vividly recall each and every thought you had then, each and every feeling you experienced then…. Some such moments might be in a way a turning point of your life…. Some such moments when you experienced joy beyond the boundary of definition, you would know that this was something which was meant to be… this was what you were always working towards… this was what you were seeking……

It was such a moment for Sangita…

It was the day when Sangita saw her daughter for the first time…

As Sangita waited with her husband and her five year old son with big smiles of anticipation on their faces, the caretaker brought the baby out and walked towards them. Gently she placed the baby girl on the blanket. Sangita watched as tiny arms and legs emerged from the folds of pink wrap and she felt her breath getting caught as automatically her hands reached out towards the baby to pick her up. With the age old natural maternal instinct, Sangita lifted the baby gently and held her close to her chest in the cradle of her arms for the first time and looked at her baby face…
Round black eyes… tiny nose lost in the chubby cheeks… delicate pink lips… curly hair… So small… So sweet…. beautiful… perfect…
 
As Sangita’s eyes roamed over the baby’s face, an indescribable feeling rose in her heart… it was intense and overwhelming… suddenly familiar… yes, she had experienced that same feeling before… five years ago, when she had held her newborn son for the first time… same feeling…. An instant recognition, an instant bond, an instant rise of a strong maternal instinct… a burst of Love… Possessiveness…. Protectiveness… her daughter…. this tiny bundle of flesh in her hands was her baby…. hers!
 

 

Sangita took a deep breath to bring herself out of her emotional high, and with an effort tried to focus on the next practical steps which they had to do… she could not assume that they could take the baby home with them immediately on the same day. The medical tests they had to carry out for the baby… the formalities which they had to complete… there was still time… you see, no matter what you may wish for, some of life’s realities had to be accepted….

They took the baby to the pathology lab for the blood tests. The pathologist seemed to be a senior person with a stern look on his face. He peered at Sangita over the rim of his glasses and in a no non-sense tone asked her to hold the baby’s hand tightly as they would be inserting the needle in to take the blood out.

Sangita tried to follow. It was difficult for her to look at the pathologist while he did his job. But she did. That needle went into her baby’s small delicate hand and the syringe got filled with the blood. It must be hurting her… Sangita tried to remind herself that this had to be done. They could not really skip this step. The blood tests were needed as part of the procedure. But here her baby was going through this and Sangita suddenly felt that she was responsible for causing this pain to the baby… her eyes welled up…

Gently the pathologist pulled the needle out and looked up at Sangita. Tears were rolling down her face. She could not really help it.

Shaking his head with incredulity the pathologist gave her a big smile and said, “See here, your baby is not even crying and her mother is all in tears!!”

As Sangita heard those words, she felt the heavy weight of guilt getting lifted from her heart and then as the sunshine would emerge from behind a dispersing cloud, a huge smile broke on her face…

Her mother…. He had called her the baby’s mother…. someone had called Sangita “Her mother” for the first time…

Someone who had no idea that the baby girl was not Sangita’s daughter just yet… someone who had no idea that they had got the baby to the lab to complete the medical tests required to clear the adoption procedures… someone who had no idea that Sangita was not the baby’s biological mother… someone who had no context, had called her “her mother” for the first time….  

That was Sangita’s first confirmation from the universe that what she had felt instantly was real…. The baby she had held in her arms that day was truly going to be hers…. She was going to be her daughter… That bond, that connection she had felt with the baby was as true and strong as a bond between a mother and her child could ever be... that instant connection between them was no-where less or different than what Sangita had felt with her biological son five years ago when she had held him for the first time….

It was such a moment for Sangita… which made it all vividly clear to her… that it was meant to be… the baby in her arms would soon be her daughter in every sense of the word!!

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,

But still, miraculously…. my own!

Never forget for a single minute,

You weren't born under my heart… But in it!!
                         (Author of poetry: Fleur Conkling Heyliger)