Born In Her Heart...

There are some moments in your life which are so significant and intensely meaningful that anytime if you just closed your eyes, you can transport yourselves back in that moment and just vividly recall each and every thought you had then, each and every feeling you experienced then…. Some such moments might be in a way a turning point of your life…. Some such moments when you experienced joy beyond the boundary of definition, you would know that this was something which was meant to be… this was what you were always working towards… this was what you were seeking……

It was such a moment for Sangita…

It was the day when Sangita saw her daughter for the first time…

As Sangita waited with her husband and her five year old son with big smiles of anticipation on their faces, the caretaker brought the baby out and walked towards them. Gently she placed the baby girl on the blanket. Sangita watched as tiny arms and legs emerged from the folds of pink wrap and she felt her breath getting caught as automatically her hands reached out towards the baby to pick her up. With the age old natural maternal instinct, Sangita lifted the baby gently and held her close to her chest in the cradle of her arms for the first time and looked at her baby face…
Round black eyes… tiny nose lost in the chubby cheeks… delicate pink lips… curly hair… So small… So sweet…. beautiful… perfect…
 
As Sangita’s eyes roamed over the baby’s face, an indescribable feeling rose in her heart… it was intense and overwhelming… suddenly familiar… yes, she had experienced that same feeling before… five years ago, when she had held her newborn son for the first time… same feeling…. An instant recognition, an instant bond, an instant rise of a strong maternal instinct… a burst of Love… Possessiveness…. Protectiveness… her daughter…. this tiny bundle of flesh in her hands was her baby…. hers!
 

 

Sangita took a deep breath to bring herself out of her emotional high, and with an effort tried to focus on the next practical steps which they had to do… she could not assume that they could take the baby home with them immediately on the same day. The medical tests they had to carry out for the baby… the formalities which they had to complete… there was still time… you see, no matter what you may wish for, some of life’s realities had to be accepted….

They took the baby to the pathology lab for the blood tests. The pathologist seemed to be a senior person with a stern look on his face. He peered at Sangita over the rim of his glasses and in a no non-sense tone asked her to hold the baby’s hand tightly as they would be inserting the needle in to take the blood out.

Sangita tried to follow. It was difficult for her to look at the pathologist while he did his job. But she did. That needle went into her baby’s small delicate hand and the syringe got filled with the blood. It must be hurting her… Sangita tried to remind herself that this had to be done. They could not really skip this step. The blood tests were needed as part of the procedure. But here her baby was going through this and Sangita suddenly felt that she was responsible for causing this pain to the baby… her eyes welled up…

Gently the pathologist pulled the needle out and looked up at Sangita. Tears were rolling down her face. She could not really help it.

Shaking his head with incredulity the pathologist gave her a big smile and said, “See here, your baby is not even crying and her mother is all in tears!!”

As Sangita heard those words, she felt the heavy weight of guilt getting lifted from her heart and then as the sunshine would emerge from behind a dispersing cloud, a huge smile broke on her face…

Her mother…. He had called her the baby’s mother…. someone had called Sangita “Her mother” for the first time…

Someone who had no idea that the baby girl was not Sangita’s daughter just yet… someone who had no idea that they had got the baby to the lab to complete the medical tests required to clear the adoption procedures… someone who had no idea that Sangita was not the baby’s biological mother… someone who had no context, had called her “her mother” for the first time….  

That was Sangita’s first confirmation from the universe that what she had felt instantly was real…. The baby she had held in her arms that day was truly going to be hers…. She was going to be her daughter… That bond, that connection she had felt with the baby was as true and strong as a bond between a mother and her child could ever be... that instant connection between them was no-where less or different than what Sangita had felt with her biological son five years ago when she had held him for the first time….

It was such a moment for Sangita… which made it all vividly clear to her… that it was meant to be… the baby in her arms would soon be her daughter in every sense of the word!!

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,

But still, miraculously…. my own!

Never forget for a single minute,

You weren't born under my heart… But in it!!
                         (Author of poetry: Fleur Conkling Heyliger)

 

 

 

The Tree

I stopped my car as the signal turned red and simply out of habit, looked outside the window towards the junction where the three roads met…at him…

 ‘Oh no… you idiot, why do you keep thinking of it as if it’s a person… don’t you know a TREE is supposed to be an “It” not a “him”’ I chided myself for the hundredth time…

But then that is how I look at any tree. For me, it is never just “wood”, never just a static body that doesn’t move, never just a sensation-less piece to be treated as just a thing to be used… and then cut off if it was in the way…

For the past eight years or so that I drove on this road, I had formed a very special bond with him. I remember the first day I noticed him. I was stuck by awe with that giant size which he had reached. The first word that had come to my mind was – HUGE! Easily over 50 feet tall, the base of the tree was may be around 3 feet in diameter. I had often imagined hugging that large trunk – and thought I will not even cover half of it! From the base two branches sprouted and then grew upwards with pair of branches sprouting in perfect symmetry till top to form a beautiful and widest possible canopy of a lovely shade of green leaves. That green umbrella covered almost half of the road on one side and half of it spread towards the other side over a building compound. In summer that lush green canopy of leaves would get spotted with lovely pink feathery flowers. For a person who loved trees it formed a sight which caught their breath with its beauty!

I had often wondered about his age... 100, 150 or 200? How long does it take to reach that size? I am not a botanist, nor do I have any collected information on trees…  I did not even know what his species was called. But did that really matter? The day I noticed him, for me the connection was formed, it was may be love at first sight J

Each day as my car stopped at the signal, I looked at him and just soaked in the amazing perfection of him. He was such a beautiful expression of life. As I met him each day, I was reminded of how complete, self-sufficient and absolute life could be, in its truest form!

He had stood there year after year, always steady, bravely taking on the blazing heat of the Sun or the heavy batting from the wind or the sharp slaps of the rain… One just had to pay attention to the mesmerizing changes he went through as the seasons changed to see the miracle of nature right there in front of their eyes! The way the leaves changed color, the way the flowers bloomed…

He inspired me to persevere, no matter what changes life brought to you. He inspired me to be self-sufficient and giving. The way he offered shelter to hundreds of birds… the way the squirrels played on his branches… the way he would give cover to anyone who stood below his canopy, and protected them from heavy rains or blazing afternoon Sun. He inspired me to blossom under life’s harshest conditions. He inspired me to be one with the world and yet never lose my true-self, even if the world around continued to evolve. He inspired me to be whole, complete and perfect!

That day, as I looked at him, I noticed that someone had tied a rope around his trunk. Frowning over what that was… my gaze roamed from the base towards his branches and just froze in stunned disbelief…. My beautiful tree was cut!! All his branches towards the side of the road were cut at their base…. That amazing perfectly symmetrical canopy was totally deformed, ruthlessly axed…

My mind screamed in denial… this could not have happened, this is not acceptable! Who did this? Why did they do this? How could they do this?

Whoever put an axe to his branches, did they just not look at him? Whoever ordered to cut him, did they not even think twice? What was his fault – that he had spread himself over a busy road? Did they not realize that he was nature’s perfect creation over hundreds of years, which no one had a right to destroy in an hour!

Somehow I managed to move my car ahead as the vehicles behind started honking, but tears of rage and frustration kept rolling down my eyes.

Each day now, I still do visit him each day. Each time I look at him, my emotions rise in chaos. I feel ashamed for being part of the species which has conquered this earth for themselves with no consideration for other forms of life around them. I feel frustration, for the authorities who are not being diligent enough before ordering cutting of all trees along the road. I feel rage for the sheer manipulation of these municipal officers in charge who cut off each and every branch of a tree just leaving their trunks standing on the road as the so called law prohibits them cutting of the trees but not the branches.

But then – as I looked at him today – instead of feeling the piercing hurt in my heart, I smiled. I saw there are new leaves growing on his branches which are cut. I realized that now with the rains these new small branches will cover the large branch which is cut off. Life finds a way to flourish and grow. He is a perfect form of a complete life and I know he will not give up. I know he will conquer and I know he will continue to inspire me for years to come….

Just that, now each day, I also keep praying that he stays safe from the humanity and will not get completely chopped off one day… if that day ever comes, my trust in that word will be destroyed forever….